WHY?

its 5:06 pm now..yea..but time seems meaningless to me now because im lost in time..lost in my life....why?...i cant get control over my life and im in deep shit...done so many stupid things recently...but nothing seems to cover the pain in my heart..i keep telling myself i will get better in time...but why i haven't?I thought I was ok.but when you told me that day...my heart goes shattering again..why?why I have to live every single day with you on my mind?not only you but your the other half...which came out to be add salt to the wound...sigh...

i don't know what should i do...i hope to see a happy post in my blog...

2008 is going to end and im still like this...i hope all this will end soon either on 31st dec 2008

what do you do when the only person who can stop you from crying is the only person who made u cry?

hey...yea.u all...ans my title...give me somethin bout what i hve to do....thx guys

FOr yoU~~

sigh..another second i was going to be cruel to you..but now im being sad over you..do you know what you do will affect ppl around you?baby,...u noe how to tel ppl not to get drunk if unhappy but u go drunk..dun be stupid...u did tel me last time right?,,,..i noe ur reluctant to tell me already because we have a gap now...but u can always tell ur close frens...we are still frens..i do care of you...recently i know your unhappy...but i cant do anything because you wouldnt want to tell me...im worried of you..hopefuly u will be happy back...when i knew what happen to you..i couldnt help with feeling sad for you...wanna drink then i drink with u lor sor lui!!...do really take care of yourself yea...big big girl as u told me before right...=)..i wanna see your day full of smile again...then i will feel happier knowing that she's always alright when i think of her=)..right baby?come and talk to me if you really couldn't help it...=)....I just hope that you are going to be happy soon..please...=)...take care yea...

no title

hmm...i was trying to blog a few days ago..alot in mind..but ntg to write..=s...yea..but..i notice i changed recently..become a person who likes to be alone..i wonder why...but i actually know why and i hope things get better in time...time passes by and 2009 is coming..this year is awfully a bad year for me..i hope next year would be a better one=)..sigh~....people come and leave in your life...but some would come and leave a big hole in your heart with causing your life a mess..im staring the pc screen for a long time because there is too much things in my heart to write..well...I should be happy that i have great frens bside me..but all the things happen recently makes me trauma..I wouldnt wanna be close to anyone anymore...If i were to be..ill step back and wouldnt contact that someone if i need to..i came to believe that in this world..everyone is on their own..no matter how much a person say she loves u..ur stil on your own..words uttered "ill always be by your side" is something that i would say bullshit for me now..because at the end of the day eventually that thing that will happen is "ill be supporting u from afar"...hahaha...im wondering did i laugh sarcastically or did i really laugh..spend most of the time of this year going on a "periodic"cycle if u read some of my post...I shouldn't have appear in your life..I shouldn't have gone to know you...but whats the point saying all this when damage had been done severely..stupid me for falling for you...but i know tougher times will come in future as this life is very real..."humans are born wit selfishness and only react to something if its upon their interest"...this is very true..no matter who you are to me ill still say this to you....you mayb unintentional but you still are..for all this months this blog had been accompany me throughout my bad times...for what have happen will stay memories in here unless this blog is deleted...others memories of you i have deleted....and i even wish my brain got a recycle bin,...you would never know how much impact you done to me...don't do this to others...well..i hope you find the one u love very much and he loves you equally as well=)...your always the girl that makes me smile...=)...take care everyone.....

ITS OVER~~

hey peeps...yea you..thx for following my blog all these times...such emo blog but u still continue reading...a thing struck me a few days ago....i think i have lost a good fren due to this blog...should i close down this blog then?hmmm....if you are reading this i just wanna say a thing or two about what happen..."yea i know im stupid tat time..but i couldnt control myself...so words i utter might be hurtful,i thought it had pass..so i assume it as ntg..but..hmm..yea...its my bad..im sorry..din expect u will angry wit me for these long"..if you think your are the one whom im apologizing with and u accept my apology..come and say hi to me yea=)....so anyway "THING" are coming to an end finally after 7 months...it wasnt what i want in the first place but u need to accept it as it comes..part of life is the phrase i always use to comfort myself...=)..yes i do feel unhappy about it..reluctant to let it go...but..dun force the situation too much i told myself..it wil be better for both parties...i do feel lonely..but u cant control other ppl life right...so i guess just make the best out of ur life..I was so scare that this day would come..but when it eventually came..i take it step by step to accept it..I guess I would be alright but nevertheless I still think of you when im alone...again..all of these are part of life and makes u stronger as you grow older...hmm..thinking of my cousin now..shes in china enjoying ler..lets hope she bring me some souvenir..kekekke=p..whoops...

anyway..im glad that i DID love you...=)...take care of urself yea...

the shocking truth

hey...its 245 in the morning..staying awake cause i need to fetch a fren from CM cause she is doing shooting there now..waiting for her call now..wasnt in the mood at first..feel sleepy but cant sleep..so i came online..chit chat wit a few of my frens...and suddenly the truth out of this world shock me...but i wasnt feeling the deep cut in my heart..maybe i was too numb already..but nevertheless i never expect all these things can come out from your mouth...maybe it was rumour..but rumours cant be spread if there is nothing to start with...just like a fire...yea..i thought all these things only came out in the drama...but I never expect it at all..what a reality of this world..i've learn my lesson..its a bit too late now to mend back my life..but yea..its better late then never..all this while I thought u have a heart for me(IF THOSE THINGS WERE TRUE)..but i forgot to see what heart you have for me..maybe its because im too stupid...yea i noe u guys advice me over and over..but i still overlooked all those stuff..nvm..i get my own lesson d..u all can relax urself and see me come back..=)...FOR THOSE OF YOU OUT THERE WHO ARE READING THIS..DONT TAKE ME FOR GRANTED FOR WHAT I HAVE TREAT YOU WITH MY SINCERITY...YOU'LL PAY HEAVILY FOR IT...I'LL MAKE SURE I'LL CURSE YOU TO HELL FOR PLAYIN WIT MY SINCERITY AND WISH YOU DIE IMMEDIATELY..

note:quote in my last post cant be used...although its seems meaningfull but it wasnt really meaningful for me anymore..coz its not worth it actually.

(AGAIN..IF THOSE RUMOURS WERE TRUE)..tq=)

its been since awhile~~

hey guys..yea..its been since awhile i blogged...yea..its good you dun see me blog coz if i blog.im blogging emofied stuff....basically im in a mess of my life now...what the fuck im doing?!!...recently a fren told me im like a PERIOD..u noe gal having their monthly PERIOD?yea he say im like tat..reason being its im in a cycle of emotion..cycle that never stop...basically the cycle is "happy back...and then get hurt...after that get even hurt..climax is wasting ur time of ur life getting recover and getting back happy again and then got hurt..gets even hurt..and fucking wasting ur life again to recover urself"..when i think back its quite true...kept telling myself to focus on ur future....keep telling myself not to bother so much...u noe..the power of love is so big that i keep falling back...im stil in the old hole...rusty old hole...im so stupid to keep falling back....yea u say ur heartbreaker...but u cant change anything coz i have fallen for a heartbreaker..and thats only for me to blame..stupidity strucks in me...y do i have to care so much when ur not caring?i duno..u ask me at gun point also i wouldnt noe the ans..."recently an incident happen in coll,...thinking back no wonder that guy wants the girl follow him so much,love really hurts when its on the declining side...kept telling myself its time to wake up..i thought i woke up?but no..ur only in ur dream ryan!!!wake up from ur dream!u still got a long way to go in ur life ryan!i hope i can go to a place where no one knew me and start everything all over again..places here are too much memories to be with...regardless of sad or happiness..i no longer wanna endure all this...

"Do not get sad over losing someone, because you only lost a person who don't love you at all while she loses someone that love her very much, you still win,got nothing to lose"

p/s:powerful quote, but you noe what..its easier to say then to be done...especially involving feelings cause we are only human..