its 3 in the morning..i couldnt sleep and i couldnt study...i don't know where to express my feelings...it seems like everyone i talked to couldnt help me much...i wasnt the real me recently...i wish i was the happy me last time..there are times where i wanna sleep and don't wanna wake up anymore...there are times i felt that life is enough and it should end right here right now..I know you readers would say ending everything its not a solution..but talking is so easy...be in my condition...step into my shoes...you might say its juz a small pile of your life....Ill say its a big hole in my life which I step into..I really hope I can get through my life..Since the day I first created this blog I was never happy..It wasnt what I want in my life..I tried very hard to get back to the right track..but I am going further from where I should be...I thought I was strong enough to get through all this...but Im never this weak in my life..You might say time is all you need...Ill tell you I'm running out of time..its not that i wanted all this thing to distract my life..You can say its the way how you look at it...Ill tell you no matter how hard I try to look at it..its the same to me..I tried everything you guys ask me to do..I took every advice...but i couldnt get it through..Im stuck in this deep black hole..I couldnt study...my emotions is out of control...having to get through everyday is going tougher by the day..Some of you might say there are people have tougher life than me...Ill say I admit im weak...I have gave everything in trying to mend back my life...I sacrifice everything to make this all worked..I am lost....please give me back my map...anyone?please show me the light...anyone?....recently i realise i drive very fast...which I don't know why I just like to speed...even a small "kampung" road I can go until 95km/hour...mayb my sub-concious mind want to end my life..I wouldnt wanna end my life just yet..but it seems to be so hard and time just stop here...what I have to do to get back up...Ill try anything..but so far I couldnt move myself for what i have tried...I dont feel like going back home either...I dont wanna let my parents worry...There are times at night where I totally break down to my tears for seeing myself such a failure..I was not born to be a failure..I wasnt suppose to let down my parents...but all this things are making me head towards of being a failure person in life....This chapter of my life is very sad and yet meaningful..there are times where I learn to be a better man..but as far as I have change in terms of myself..I just couldnt pull it through..I couldnt get myself back....On tuesday a friend of mine message me after the MIS exam...she was very concern of my because I have gone out early throughout my two important main paper..I wasnt like this during my finals a few times ago..she know I am distracted by things going around me...she encourage me....Actually I wanna say something to this friend of mine..."Nicole..I really did tried my best...Im sorry for letting you down..I tried everything to pass the moment of difficulties in my life..but Im still stuck..eventhough I dont know what to write in the paper..but I stil write...I just couldnt get through all this"...I just dont know what to say anymore...I really hope I can get through all this...Im really running out of time...At times I want to run away from reality..but I chose to face it...but facing it doesnt really doing me any good either..I kept telling myself to be strong...As strong I can get...I kept fall back because I only reach halfway...
Im running out of time.............
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19 comments:
my dear...i reli hope u can cheer up 4 ur life~i noe its nt easy but u hv to...~k?
thx 4 everything u did 4 me...
sorry 4 everything i did 2 u...
sorry...
dun let me worry k?
take k~
ill try..cause whatever i do now canot bring myself up
life hav its up n down... v always stand up afta v fall... so do in our life... sometimes v can learn from our prob... so tat v can live better... jus think positive... der r many things in life tat is gud if u noe where 2 look...
even small things happen in ur life, u can b grateful 4 it...
~~stranger tat past in ur life~~
all i want now is be what i use to be...but i just cant pull thru..its not that i want to be sad....life has its ups and down...u only noe those person who came back up from their down..what about those who never came back up?
Man!!! Don't be so irremediable and dejected lah!!! If you are running out of time, does it mean it's end of the world?? How long you've used up to let go of this? A month?? A year??? Or more than that?? I've encountered the same mistake as you, stuck with a guy for past 4-5 months. Yet, I've overcome him, although I'm seeing him everyday now!!!! Maybe, 4 months ago, I would think that how miserable my life is after my college, how am I gonna live without seeing him... I was once very depress, very very discourage, till I can sacrifice anything for his sake, but NOW, I looked back into me, laughing at myself, how silly I was that time. Screwing up your exam papers and education, do you think it's worth it?? Do you think that 'lit girl' will come over to you, and apologize to you, saying: "Sorry my dear for failing your exams for me, I apologize truly from bottom of my heart, please forgive me!!" And DO YOU THINK SHE'LL FAIL HER EXAMS FOR YOU??? Everything is BULLSHIT!! C'mon OH MUN KEONG!!! Please lah, please wake up a bit lah!! You are failing everything just because of a girl??? You wanted to end your life for your dear girl??? Man, I can tell you, YOU ARE WORST THAN A PIECE OF SHIT!!! You knew it was a mind game, unrealistic~ You might get really pulled off and pissed off at me, but I really want you to think of what you are doing now, what you want to achieve in future, and why are you making yourself to be so incurable for this girl??!!! Everything is in your hands now! LISTEN!!! YOUR FUTURE IS NOWHERE, BUT IT'S IN YOUR HANDS!!! Every steps you make, is what you gonna achieve. If you think you can, strike and prove it to me then! If you think you are a failure, no matter how many billions of people you ask, how many zillions of opinions you observe from others, you are still HOPELESS!!! Running out of time is just a getaway for all your responsibilities!! It's an EXCUSE!!! If you still choose to sink, please go ahead lah!! Please do so, and make sure you don't care about anything on earth anymore, including your family and relatives!! Anyway, you can come censure me anywhere, anytime for being harsh and annoyed to you, cause I have no regrets for posting this comment here. Please lah, think of what you are doing now lah!! [what about those who never came back up?] Frankly, you are just one of them now, FOR THE TIME BEING! Remember... Nothing is impossible, so make it POSSIBLE!!!
to the 2nd anonymous person in the comment...i thought u was a fren of mine..but when i asked her she say she din leave any comment..can intro urself?=)...add me up in frenster or msn...kingsley_89@hotmail.com
and janice..scolding dun works for me...if u gonna start scolding it wont change how i am also..not gonna inspire me either..so yea...
Then keep drowning for your sake! You are still giving excuses for yourself!! You have already lost faith in yourself, then why bother about other people's opinion?? Stop seeking for opinion, and sink deeper, PLEASE! I'm out of all, and YOU, HOPELESS JERK!
how u dealt with other ppl may not be the same with me...so im telling you..be polite as your in my blog....dun cross my limit...
and...i didnt write this blog to seek opinion..i write it to express my own feeling...did u see any part of my blog on this post said im seeking opinion?its up to u wanna give or not...so if giving feels diff to u..dun give then
[I am lost....please give me back my map...anyone?please show me the light...anyone?....] How about this phrase? Ok, fine~ Do whatever you want now, and I'm sure you'll laugh at yourself in future, looking into yourself, how silly you are now~ I'm out of it~
i thot i leave a comment oledi... not tat sure... me? keep it tat way... it'll b weird 4 me 2 give advice.. 1st, ppl dun c me as d "givin advice" ppl... so let it b....
i noe those who came bac up bcoz u oe y? coz der hav frenz bside them... as u can c ur frenz r concern bout u... b grateful...
u think 2 much negative stuffz until u fail 2 c those little happy n positive stuffz....
in a way, i agree wit janice... der is not onli 1 thing in life but der r others things in life...
d decision is in ur hand... ur future or stick wit d past? which road u wanna choose...
wipe tears, learn n b strong, do somethin tat make another day better than d past 1s... try 2 c n think positively...
~~stranger tat past in ur life~~
you noe y ur words aint gonna go into me?coz u give me the hard way...and i dun go the hard way..so fuck off..i dun care whether im not polite or not..coz i aint in the mood to polite with u...
lol... i'm kewl wit it... been thru tat thousand of times... der r many ways.... hope u find ur own way....
lol./.anonymous..its not u im sayin...anyway..ur name?do i noe u?intro ur self plez
lol... *pai seh* yah u noe me... mayb u will b suprise if u noe me... jus let it b.. :D :D
i noe u then shudnt be surprise..dun need pai seh..u are?su yin arr?
no is not.. think of d least possible person tat will visit ur blog... let it b la...
just tell me ur name can?plez..dun need be so secretive though...
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